How I met my wife Part 2

Sometimes when God speaks to our heart, His words bring peace and tranquility to the soul. But not always; Jonah is a good example. I had an experience and so did Sola. 

Her testimony to the brother was with many tears. She told him how God had spoken to her in January that year (1992) that I would be her husband, but she was too scared to think about it, much less tell someone else.

“You know Bro Uche is too difficult to deal with, too serious and harsh.” She complained to Bro Francis Adesola, the Chairman of the marriage committee, who did not tell her my story.

“What did I do to him? He doesn’t like me; he smiles with other people but frowns at me. Did he mention to you I’ve done something wrong?” She was devastated that season and I knew it.

Francis met me two weeks later and with shock written all over his face said, “Bro Uche, this is serious… she said God told her back in January that you’ll come for her…” He gave me her story and it sank my mood immediately. Sadness returned again. As impressive as her story was; I didn’t like it. But what was I to do?

So she heard God on this too. Should I propose to her while on campus or what? No!! My thoughts were running wild. My age mates in my tribe are not discussing marriage yet; why me? Why now? My life was about to make a sharp turn and I was not emotionally prepared for it. I needed help and counseling.

My (un)forgettable Proposal

The Lord helped me immensely that semester. Exams went well and the fellowship was coasting on a high as we’d engaged a fast for three days, praying for the new Executives of the fellowship. On the last day of the fast, I asked Sola to meet me at the bus stop in front of the girl’s hostel. I bought a snack to break my fast with and waited for her to show up. With no romantic flavor or presence in that dark and lonely night, I began my rap as soon as she appeared.

“Thank you for coming to see me at this time, it’s after 12 midnight but I needed to tell you this today and get it off my mind once and for all.”

“What is it, I hope no problem?” she asked, looking so innocent and concerned. If only you knew, I muttered to myself and continued.

“God spoke to me few months ago that you’ll be my wife. So that’s why I wanted to see you so we could talk about it. What do you think?”

How do I describe the shock on her face? I can’t! She just turned immediately and ran back into the girl’s hostel. I stood there, more amused than annoyed; finished my snack and returned to my hostel.

Somehow, I felt relieved.  But I knew it was otherwise for Sola and I didn’t care. I didn’t feel any tinge of guilt with my terrible proposal. After all God had spoken to her long before He spoke to me, she ought to be more prepared for this thing than me so let’s get on with it, the sooner the better; I reasoned. I was still hurting and didn’t know how to handle it.

Finally on 2nd September 1992, she responded to my proposal saying YES,… There was still pain in her heart that day. I could tell from her body language. Please don’t even try to imagine our first weeks together. We couldn’t make eye contact. Our worst nightmares had come through sooner than we imagined.

Romance was far from this relationship in its first six or seven months. I was too rigid and too serious with life to experience romance. As far as I was concerned, this relationship was God’s agenda and I was being forced to play along. In order not to be seen as disobeying God, I continued to show up and began to smile in Sola’s direction a bit. Hoping it would help us relate better.

I needed time to unlearn many things. I began slowly. Sola was patient, very patient and helpful. She’d read many romantic novels growing up, so I was 100,000km away from her fantasies. But she began to coach and encourage me. She conducted herself excellently. She’d buy me love cards and tell me she loved flowers. When I showed up with a flower of any kind, I made her day. Seeing her happy began to excite me, so I looked for more ways to cheer her. This helped us greatly.

But it took the cancellation of the memorable June 12 presidential elections of 1993 to usher in a new phase in our romance. When that election was canceled, all hell broke loose in Nigeria. It seemed at the time the nation was going to break up into parts. The Yorubas in the west (Sola’s tribe) feeling marginalized by the ruling Hausa/Fulani from the north and the Ibos in the east (my tribe) didn’t want any part of the seeming inevitable fracas. Many Ibos residing in other parts of the nation decided to head to their homeland, eastward.

Suddenly, the fear that we may not see each other again hit us. This carved a longing for Sola within my heart I didn’t know existed. I will never forget what seemed at the time to be our last meeting before I’d return to my hometown. That evening, I promised her I’d return for her if I make the trip, even if a civil war eventually splits the Country. I begged her to promise me she’ll wait for me. She did. That meeting did something to me I can’t find words to describe. I’d fallen madly in love with this sweet girl. War was not going to stop me from marrying her.

I didn’t travel to the east after all. I stayed back in Lagos but she was 150km away in Ibadan. I couldn’t see her as often as I wished. So I began to write love letters every week to her; sometimes twice a week, many of them on my knees. I would craft the best love notes I could conceive and post to her. She loved them and treasured them.  When we meet, we’d reread the latest letters, study the Bible and pray over matters arising, listen to music and just chill out. This new life of love and romance was very intoxicating. I looked forward to our meetings and we grew closer with them.

Thus, the long and winding journey continued. It was loaded with many tests and turns that would reveal the matchless wisdom of God and His persistence. I wonder where I’d be today if not for Sola.

We both learned that God may not do what we want, but He’ll always do what is right and at the perfect time. As humans without a clue of the big picture, we could choose not to wait until the end to see what God has been up to and thus lose the eternal benefits of His partnership. Or, we could decide to faithfully follow Him in obedience and be players in His story and partakers of His glory.

It pays to listen to God speak to one but it’s by far more rewarding to obey Him, especially in things that don’t make sense.