Trip to Rhino Camp: Mourning With The Mourners

It got worse for my friends at the Rhino camp in Uganda on Tuesday 11th October, as Pastor Tom lost his daughter so suddenly. 3year old Joy was rushed out of the camp to Arua General Hospital, 90mins drive away.

We must have missed them on the way, as I arrived at the camp with some friends that made it out of Yei, to hear that Joy was sick. After connecting with the children, some friends there and visiting a few locations, I was set to return to Arua. Pastor Tom decided to ride with me so he could see his daughter in the hospital.

20mins away from Arua, we got a call that Joy had passed away. When we arrived at the hospital, Rebecca, Tom’s wife was beside herself with grief. She’d roll on the grass, crawl, stand, dance from side to side, stomp, seeking a posture or response that could best assuage or express the pain.

When she saw me and cried my name, I cracked inside. Helpless and gritting my teeth as hard as I could, I fought back tears there. “Not here, not here” I kept saying to myself.

Rebecca wailed, “Joy, why didn’t you fall sick on Sunday when Uche came and prayed for the sick at the camp? The other little girl he prayed for was healed, why didn’t you fall sick on Sunday?” “Joy you’ve fallen sick before, and it lasted days and you recovered; but today, you didn’t give us a chance to help you, why? Joy why? God why?”

I held her, prayed over her, and comforted her as much as I could. My words and prayers seemed too banal. As genuine as my empathy for Tom and his family was, I couldn’t enter their pain, their loss. Only God can. God soothes our deepest hurts when we let Him. His Spirit is here for such moments as these; to comfort and to restore hope.

This photo taken two days before Joy passed shows some of the Dreamland children, Joy’s dad Pastor Tom and little Joy on the right corner in her mama’s arms. Please pause here and pray for Pastor Tom and his family.

As we mourned and wept, we needed to address the challenge of a burial site for Joy. God showed up 48hrs later and rescued the situation.

We couldn’t take her back to the refugee camp. The children there should be spared this sight and memory. Their grueling journey to the camp had its own traumatic impact. This may be too much.

How will each of these 130 children deal with this catastrophe? How will they grieve? Can they process this well enough to heal? Is it time to start a trauma counseling session for them? What will it take? How do we go about it? I wish I had ready answers.

I’m learning that some tragedies don’t need quick fixes. Children are delicate, needing careful attention and expert intervention in times of grief. These kids need help now. Who has what they need?

For anyone struggling with loss of any kind, a strong social support group can contribute positively to alleviating some of the most challenging aspects of grief. But that’s if the group is gracious enough to own the issue(s) and embrace the broken pieces of the grieving, as they manifest.

I remember the experience Dr. Esther Kiyingi, a missionary of CMFI South Sudan shared with me some year ago. She left Yei for Uganda to go have her baby but lost the baby due to birth complications in the delivery room.

On returning home to South Sudan, the women rushed out to welcome her and the new born. She told them what happened. Their ululations of joy instantly turned to wailing.

She said, “…one of the women came to me, put her hand around me and said, ‘now you are one of us'”. This was a kind of initiation, by which her person and purpose could rest among these women and thrive.

1Thess 4:13 says we are not to sorrow like those without hope. This suggests that some behaviors and thinking patterns after a loss could be helpful or harmful. As I reflect on mourning, I’m wondering what the better path to travel while mourning is. Among the helpful options out there, how can one know which suits them best without groping long-term in the cesspits of grief?

Time is not a healer, God is. We must spend time meaningfully while grieving and hope to learn now or later, why and how today’s tragedy was heaven’s intervention and righteous response to a cry for help, mercy, justice…, for all who love Jesus.

God’s wisdom will always vindicate Him. He yearns for His children to trust Him and learn to huddle tightly in times of sorrow.

Lord, heal Pastor Tom and family. Teach us to trust you and show us how to be better healers in this broken world.